Why KP should move to Middlesex

Yesterday Kevin Pietersen announced he was leaving Hampshire. Some members were shocked – they had no idea that KP played for Hampshire. Despite an illustrious record of one first-class game since his England debut, KP has had to make the emotional decision to leave his first love Hampshire. Or was it Notts? Or was it KwaZulu Natal? Anyway, I think KP should sign for Middlesex. And this is why.


Why not?

Let’s face it, he won’t play. Other than the occasional ECB directed t20 game, KP will not don the pink of Middlesex. But Middlesex might as well get him on the books for those occasional t20 games, purely to stop Scott Newman playing.


He’s free

KP will not cost any one anything. As a centrally contracted player, Giles Clarke will be keeping the Pietersen family in nappies and Oakley sunglasses for the foreseeable future. And if Middlesex sign him, they’ll be able to flog loads of KP related tat, and use him to publicise fixtures (a la Gilly and Warner this year).


It's close

The only reason KP didn’t want to play for Hampshire was that it was too far away from Chelsea. So he should go and play for the closest county to Chelsea. Which is (nearly) Middlesex.


He shouldn’t play for Surrey

Because Surrey are rubbish. Just forget about last night.


The lunches at Lord’s are good

Another bonus.


The pink kit’s cool

And he get’s to high-five cricket’s leading mascot, Pinky the Panther. And who doesn’t want to do that?


Excellent crèche facilities

Probably.


But the reason he’ll definitely move…
He can wander around Lord’s pretending to be England captain again

And who amongst us hasn’t done that?